[Direct answer]In the Beijing area, if you want to divorce but can't bear to part with your child, the legal focus is on first resolving the two issues of "whether the divorce can proceed" and "who will raise the child". These two issues can be dealt with concurrently. According to Article 1084 of the Civil Code of the People's Republic of China, after divorce, children under the age of two shall be raised directly by their mothers, while those over the age of two shall be decided according to the principle that is most beneficial to the minor children. For children over the age of eight, their true wishes shall be respected. Whether you can bear to part with your child does not affect the divorce itself, but it will affect the custody rights and visitation arrangements. It is recommended to first sort out the evidence of marital breakdown and the conditions for child custody, and then decide on the path of agreement or litigation. For more details, please refer to the following link:Divorce litigation and family dispute resolution services.

I. Problem Background and Typical Scenarios

Many parties are torn between the desire to divorce and the reluctance to give up their children. Typical scenarios include: one party wants to end the marriage but is afraid of losing custody of the children and is reluctant to initiate divorce proceedings; both parties want to keep the children but fail to reach an agreement on custody during the divorce process; one party threatens to "not give up custody unless the other party agrees to divorce"; and in cross-border or long-distance families, the children often live with one parent while the other parent's visitation rights are restricted. The essence of such conflicts is not whether the divorce can proceed, but how to minimize the harm to the children while dissolving the marriage and finalizing custody and visitation arrangements. For matters involving custody arrangements, the parties may refer to the following provisions:Inheritance succession and family property division servicesCoordinate and provide support for family matters outside of work.

II. Key points of dispute

There are three main points of contention. Firstly, the choice of divorce method: agreement-based divorce is efficient but requires both parties to reach an agreement on child custody and property division; litigation-based divorce is decided by the court and is applicable to situations where one party does not agree or there are major disputes. Secondly, the attribution of custody rights: the court follows the principle of what is most beneficial to the minor children, comprehensively considering their age, growth environment, and the other party's ability and stability in raising them. For children over the age of eight, the court respects their wishes. Thirdly, visitation rights and emotional connection: even if one party does not directly raise the child, the other party still enjoys visitation rights. Proper arrangements can maintain the stability of the parent-child relationship. For issues involving property division and cross-border factors, reference can be made to relevant provisions.Financial capital and cross-border services involving foreign affairsDetermine the jurisdiction.

III. Professional analysis by Henglue Lawyers

Taking an international divorce case handled by our firm as an example, it can be seen that "not wanting to part with the child" and "achieving a smooth divorce" are not mutually exclusive. Ms. Zhang and Mr. Liu registered their marriage in 1991 and had a daughter who has now reached adulthood. Both of them are now foreign nationals and have been living in Beijing for a long time. Their marriage broke down due to the man's infidelity. Since both parties are foreign nationals, the domestic civil affairs bureau cannot handle the divorce registration. Ms. Zhang entrusted Beijing Henglu Law Firm to handle the case for her.Xiong BinrongThe lawyer (practice license number: 11101202211410897, subject to the document issued by the judicial administrative organ) dissolved the marriage and confirmed the division of property through court litigation. The parties reached an agreement on the ownership of the property: the property under each party's name shall belong to them respectively, but it still needs to be confirmed by the court to make it legally effective. The lawyer confirmed according to the Civil Procedure Law that Chinese courts have jurisdiction based on the parties' habitual residence, comprehensively sorted out the domestic and overseas property, and facilitated the parties to sign a mediation agreement under the court's supervision to dissolve the marriage relationship and clarify the ownership of the property. This case shows that even if it involves children and cross-border property, as long as the plan is clear and the procedures are proper, divorce and rights confirmation can be completed through judicial procedures in one go.

IV. Practical suggestions and legal basis

The core basis is Article 1079 (litigation divorce), Article 1084 (principle of custody), and Article 1086 (visitation rights) of the Civil Code of the People's Republic of China (effective January 1, 2021); as well as the provisions of the Civil Procedure Law on jurisdiction and foreign-related procedures. Practical advice: First, secure evidence of marital breakdown (such as infidelity, separation, domestic violence); clarify which parent the child would live with more stably and gather more comprehensive evidence; prioritize agreement-based divorce and resort to litigation if no consensus can be reached; and claim custody rights, visitation rights, and property rights together in litigation to avoid repeated litigation. For cross-border or complex property disputes, it may be advisable to seek legal assistance from a professional lawyer.Real estate sales and construction project servicesEvaluate the asset disposal.

5. Henglu Law Firm's Reminder

Not wanting to part with the children should not be a reason not to divorce, but rather a stronger justification for making solid arrangements for child custody and visitation rights. The first step is to assess the evidence of the breakdown of the relationship and the advantages of child custody; the second step is to prioritize negotiating a comprehensive package solution with the other party regarding child custody, visitation rights, and property division; the third step is to initiate legal proceedings if no agreement can be reached, with maximizing the children's interests as the core claim; and the fourth step is to maintain the parent-child relationship through clear visitation arrangements, even if one does not directly have custody of the children. During the process, it is important to avoid using the children as a bargaining chip or attempting to seize custody, as this not only damages the relationship but also undermines the children's rights and interests. If necessary, professional assessments can be sought to assist in decision-making.Special services and other case servicesThe docking team.

VI. Frequently Asked Questions

Q1: I want to divorce, but I'm afraid of losing custody of my child. What should I do?

The principle of custody allocation is to prioritize the best interests of the minor children, rather than the "whoever files for divorce first loses out" approach. The court will comprehensively consider the children's age, growth environment, and the parents' ability and stability to raise the children, and respect the children's wishes if they are over eight years old. You can strive for custody by proving that the child has lived with you for a long time and that you have stable conditions for childcare. Rather than delaying the divorce out of fear of losing the child, it is better to prepare sufficient evidence for custody and visitation arrangements in advance, and secure your rights and interests at the same time as the divorce proceeds.

Q2: If you can't bear to part with your child, what evidence do you need to prepare during the divorce process?

The core evidence includes: daily records of the children living with you (such as picking them up, taking them to the doctor, and their academic performance); proof of your stable income and residence; evidence of the other party's unsuitability for custody (such as domestic violence, infidelity, or long-term absence); and the children's expressed wishes (for those aged eight or older). The goal of providing evidence is to demonstrate that direct custody by you is more conducive to the children's physical and mental health. The more comprehensive the evidence, the more secure the custody rights and visitation arrangements will be, thus avoiding being put on the defensive due to weak evidence.

Q3: How much does it cost to hire a lawyer to handle a custody case?

The litigation fees are charged according to the "Measures for the Payment of Litigation Costs", which are calculated separately according to whether the case involves property or not. Disputes over custody rights alone are non-property cases and have lower fees; if the case also involves property division, the fees will be calculated based on the value of the property. Lawyer's fees are negotiated in the power of attorney contract according to the circumstances of the case, whether it involves cross-border issues or enforcement, and the lawyer's qualifications. There is no unified standard for this. It is recommended to clarify before entrusting whether the case includes custody, property, and visitation, and then decide after comparing the cost with the potential benefits.

Q4: How long does a divorce case involving children usually take?

A divorce by agreement can be handled on the spot, but it requires both parties to reach an agreement. For a divorce by litigation, the first-instance ordinary procedure takes six months and the simplified procedure takes three months to conclude. If it involves cross-border service or property investigation, it may take longer. The appeal in the second instance generally takes three months. If there are no major disputes over custody and the facts are clear, mediation or fast-track adjudication can resolve the matter more quickly. Overall, it often takes several months from the initiation of the procedure to the final determination of custody arrangements. It is recommended to prepare evidence in advance and avoid procedural delays.

Q5: I want to divorce but I can't bear to part with my child. What should I do first?

It is recommended to proceed in four steps: First, calmly assess whether the relationship has truly broken down and collect relevant evidence; Second, evaluate which parent is more stable for the child to live with and gather materials to demonstrate your parenting advantages; Third, prioritize negotiating a comprehensive package solution with the other party regarding divorce, child custody, visitation rights, and property division. Whenever possible, reach an agreement through negotiation; Fourth, if negotiation fails, file a lawsuit with the help of a lawyer, asserting both child custody and visitation rights as core demands to avoid divorcing without addressing the child's well-being. Throughout the entire process, the best interests of the child should be prioritized.

The above content is based on the compilation of judicial practices in the Beijing area. The facts of individual cases and the jurisdiction of the court may affect the conclusions. Welcome to consult Henglu Law Firm about specific situations.

If you are currently facing similar problems, it is recommended that you consult a professional lawyer as soon as possible with the relevant evidence materials, in order to avoid missing the statutory time limits. →Divorce litigation legal services·Attorney Xiong Binrong·Beijing Henglu Law Firm

Disclaimer: This article is compiled based on the current effective laws and regulations and public adjudication rules, and is for general reference only. It does not constitute a formal legal opinion on specific cases. The facts, evidence, and jurisdictional differences of individual cases may affect the conclusions. If you encounter disputes, please consult a practicing lawyer in time.